Since the start of the Russian invasion on February 24th, 2022, more than 70,000 Ukrainian soldiers have been killed on the front lines, according to American estimates. Ukraine does not disclose the number of casualties, leaving behind many children and wives. Their ordeal begins with the announcement of death and progresses to identifying the body if the soldier is not missing. However, the financial compensation they receive triggers envy among others.
The story of Irina Bondarenko (41 years old) is highlighted by Le Monde – in a report by Fostine Vinsant. When her husband did not respond to her calls, she tried not to panic, as he advised her before returning to the front saying “there is no need to panic if you have no news, as communication is often weak”.
The next day, two men in military uniforms arrived at her house in Odessa, and one of them read a small paper with an official seal out loud, “I regret to inform you with this document that Volodymyr Bondarenko died in combat on July 23, 2022, near the town of Mykolaiv. This document will allow you to initiate the process of receiving pension benefits as provided for in Ukrainian law.” This caused her to lose consciousness after experiencing convulsions.
Irina Bondarenko is not the only one who has gone through the ordeal of identifying her husband, who was hit by a missile, among the thousands of women who found themselves widows overnight, after two years since the start of the Russian invasion in their country. They form an invisible community, where their tragedies are intertwined with a series of obstacles.
In Odessa, around 20 women gather every week to remind people that they are waiting for news about their missing husbands since March and May of 2022. “Authorities have forgotten them, and most people are not aware that this problem exists,” says Tetiana Lanovaya (36), holding a sign with pictures of the missing, “we want them to help us find them.”
Community Misunderstanding
After the death of their husbands, the lives of these women, who have been destroyed by grief, come to a standstill, says nail technician Anna Fratkin (41), a mother of two whose husband Roman died in combat in September 2022, “I no longer live… I exist… that’s all.”
Despite the heavy sorrow, these women often face a lack of understanding or even hostility from the community, and jealousy primarily arises for the financial reasons, as they receive €370,000 in compensation, which they share with the parent of the deceased, in a country where the average salary is €365.
Mykola Storozhuk, Deputy Head of the Non-Governmental Organization Center for Veterans in Odessa, recalls her astonishment when the authorities announced the amount, “frankly, among the military and veterans and their families, we were very surprised by their promise. Such a high amount. Of course, life is invaluable, but we discovered it equals twice what it is in the United States.”
Discrepancy in Compensation
This amount is far from what the widows of soldiers who fell on the front lines before 2022 received in the war in Donbass in 2014, where their widows received €16,000, which is 23 times less than the current amount, says Mykola Storozhuk. “We were shocked by this difference. Perhaps the government thought the war wouldn’t last this long.”
This disparity in treatment led to tense discussions on the “We Are Together” group on Facebook, which includes about 3,300 soldier widows.
Tetiana Vatsenko Bondariva, who lost her spouse and founder of the group, says, “widows who lost their husbands before 2022 say this is unfair, that they lost their husbands too. Yes, it is unfair, but we cannot rewrite the past. Therefore, she decided, to put an end to disputes, not to accept the widows from the Donbass war into her group.
“People tell me: OK. Your husband died in the war, but at least you’re rich,” responds Anna Fratkin, who donated a portion of this sum to the army. “Others try to calculate the amount she received. I hear them talking behind my back. They don’t know that Anna feels sad every time she spends this money. I know where it came from. This reminds me of Roman’s death all the time.”
The government has established programs to support the families of fallen soldiers, as a way to recognize their sacrifices for the nation, but society does not acknowledge the pains of these women.
Tetiana Vatsenko Bondariva says, “four days after my husband’s death, I was told to stop crying. It’s fine.” The way our grief is looked at compared to a mother’s grief is vastly different. For a mother, it is viewed as a life-disrupting catastrophe, but for a widow, people say to themselves, “she’s in pain, but she’ll find someone and get over it.”
Many widows decide to join the army either to avenge their husbands or to continue the fight. However, “none of us were prepared to pay such a high price for the country,” as emotional Tetiana asserts, “I can’t imagine the level of patriotism a woman must have to say that her husband’s sacrifice was justified.”
